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Your dad called to tell you that the mysterious rash on your arm is probably Creeping Meatball-ism.

Your dad called from the airport terminal to say hi and see how you’re doing, but mostly because he’s bored and wants to complain about incompetent, power-hungry TSA officers.

Your dad called from the airport terminal to say hi and see how you’re doing, but mostly to tell you he’s going to Denver and it’s exactly 1,651 miles away and it’s called the Mile-High City because it’s located a mile above sea-level and…

Your dad called to complain about Congress, and how everyone is too busy raising money and trying to get re-elected to care about actual policy.

Your dad called to tell you to just scrap the mold off the bread and eat it already.

Denise and Cliff

Your dad called to tell you he bought you that designer sweater you wanted, only he found a bargain, practically the same sweater at Kohl’s, for 25% off.

Your dad called to tell you that your mom’s super-upset after you and she fought the other day, and you should really call her right away and apologize.

Your dad called to ask if you’ve talked to your sister lately, and if you haven’t, you should really call her right away because she’s got some big news.

Your dad called to tell you to call your grandmother, so she quits bugging him about why you never call her.

Your dad called to ask if your super-zit has gone away yet.

Your dad called to make sure your tires aren’t bald and if they are, there’s a special this week at NTB.

Your dad called to see if you’ve changed your oil recently and if not, he’ll bring a Jiffy Lube coupon when he visits next week.

Your dad called to tell you, in detail, the plot of a movie you’ve already seen and then how compelling and thought-provoking and deep it was, even if it was Hancock or The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

Your dad called to ask if you’ve seen the latest episode of Doc Marten and, when you remind him you don’t watch that show, tell you the plot in detail.

Your dad called to find out if you’ve seen the latest World War II documentary/ reenactment on the History Channel and, when you remind him you don’t watch that channel, tell you the plot in detail. (Spoiler: Nazis!)

Your dad called to tell you that Young Frankenstein is on TCM tonight, and whinny when you say “Frau Blucher.”

Your dad called to tell you he was listening to Tom Lehrer earlier and regale you with his own enthusiastic version of “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park.”

Your dad called to tell you he’s taking your brother-in-law to a Nationals game next month.Totoro Dad

Your dad called to ask if you watched the ‘Skins snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in the fourth quarter again, and to tell you he’s thinking of buying a Sell the Team, Dan t-shirt.

Your dad called to find out when on Wednesday night think you’ll be arriving for Thanksgiving, and if you’ll make the pies and the mashed potatoes.

Your dad called to make sure you’re coming down next weekend, when he’s playing Tevye in the local community theater production of Fiddler on the Roof, and you tell him of course you are, you wouldn’t miss it for anything.

Your dad called to say hi, and he loves you, and that, even though he knows you don’t need any external male validation, he’s so proud of the woman you’ve become.